Duh #21 - Let's End This Month With a Loud Thud!

Duh #20

Duh #19

Who 'da thunk?

Duh #18

I'm not an expert in history, but to my knowledge...

Duh #17

I wonder why. *rolls eyes*

Astute (?) Observations

1. After many years, I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two are a law firm, and three or more are a legislature. (John Adams)

2. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. (Mark Twain)

3. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is likea man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. (Winston Churchill)

4. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. (George Bernard Shaw)

5. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay with your money. (anonymous)

6. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. (James Bovard, Civil Libertarian)

7. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. (DouglaCasey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University)

8. Giving money and power to politicians is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. (P. J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian)

9. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases. If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. (Ronald Reagan, in 1986)

10. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. (Will Rogers)

11. No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while Congress is in session. (Mark Twain, in 1866)

12. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free! (P. J. O'Rourke)

13. There is no distinctly native criminal group in America other than our politicians. (Mark Twain)

14. The inherent vice of capitalism is an unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is an equal sharing of the misery. (Winston Churchill)

15. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. (Mark Twain)

16. What this country needs is more unemployed politicians. (Edward Langley, Artist, 1928-1995)

17. A government big enough to give you everything you want ... is strong enough to take everything you have. (Thomas Jefferson)

Duh #16

Duh #14

Duh #13

The sad thing is I've seen this too many times!

Duh #12

For me, it's not the wheelchair out of control. It's the crocodile waiting at the bottom!

Ponderables

Only in America ...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America ...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America ...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America ...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America ...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America ...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Duh #11

Duh #10

Duh #9

I wonder if this sort of thing happens a lot.

Duh #8

A Little Lesson in English

You think English is easy???

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't in vented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this. There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.' It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ? We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special. And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP , you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, sooo... it is time to shut UP! Oh. One more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night? U-P

Duh #6

Cake Wrecks, the Ultimate in DUH Goodness!

If you're not familiar with the Cake Wreck blog, please start following it today.

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/

Not only will you get to see the best of the worst made cakes, but the commentary is a hoot, too! :D

Duh #5

Duh #4

(Psst! Note the tee-niney warning at the bottom!)