How to Be a Successful Writer in 10 Minutes a Day (Humor)

Thanks to Kayelle Allen for this little gem.

A little humor to start your workday. Here's how you can be a successful writer without really trying. I can sum it up for you in one honest hashtag: #aintgonnahappen

But if you want a formula for what most writers do in a ten-minute period, this is accurate (for the most part).

Minute 1: Do warm up exercises for your hands to prevent carpal tunnel syndrome. Every writer should do these. The exercises are pleasant, and simple. They consist of lifting a coffee cup, sipping from it, and putting it back down. Repeat with the other hand.

Minute 2: Open a blank word processing document and save it as Chapter One. Be sure the proper formatting is in place. One inch margins all around, Arial, Calibri, Times, or Times New Roman in 12 point font.

Minute 3: Take a break. Play Spider Solitaire, Mahjongg, or a word search puzzle.

Minute 4: Repeat the warm up exercises before going back to work, to ensure your hands are limber.

Minute 5: Open a blank word processing document and save it as Chapter Two. Double check the formatting. Set a new format to indent automatically five spaces when starting a new paragraph, and name it Editing.

Minute 6: Take a break. Check email. (Note, if time runs over one minute, this is okay because checking email falls under marketing, another vital activity for writers.)

Minute 7: You have been sitting for some time by now, so stand up, and stretch your legs. If possible, take a walk, such as to the kitchen to fetch fresh coffee for your hand exercises.

Minute 8: Open a previously edited document and see if anything needs to be tweaked. Look for oft-used words. If you don't yet have a list of these, begin compiling these now. This should include phrases such as "shook his head" and "folded his arms."

Minute 9: Repeat the warm up exercises. Fetch more coffee if needed. Check the coffee, creamer, and sugar supply while up, and add to the grocery list if needed. While doing so, consider the meal plan for the week, and make additions to the shopping list.

Minute 10: Check email for notes from your editor and/or beta readers. Since this email visit is for writing-related purposes, check the blogs to which you've subscribed.

And there you have it. A ten minute process that has the potential to carry you throughout the day. Will it make you successful? That depends solely on your agent, whose job it is to land you a contract. Right? Right?