It's a SALE!

Hurry!  Until Midnight Tonight, All Romance eBooks and OmniLit are 50% off!  Which means you can get my romance and horror books at half price!

Simply enter this code when you go to your cart and you'll see the savings!

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Here are the links to get you started!

http://www.omnilit.com/product-eeniemeenie-80306-140.html

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What's Wrong With This Picture?

Here is a school bus in Japan. Please take note.

Now here's a school bus in India.

But which country do you get when you have a technical problem with your computer?

(Thanks, Jo!)

Job Position Posting

POSITION :

Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Momma, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers! Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, and embarrassed the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION :
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining!, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

Remember That Old Adage?

"'Tis better to sit there and look like a fool, than to open your mouth and prove it."

I've been working on my website, redesigning it and all.

If you go over and see an obvious error, please let me know so I can correct it.

Thanks!

Looks Can Be Deceiving

At first glance, it looks like someone's sign/prop/artistic effort either got dislodged or fell.  Hubby says it looks like a Macy's Thanksgiving Day float that finally got away.

But then, when you look down at the bottom, you see what is actually going on. Neat, huh?

Here's another take with a few more "items" that only flossing can "remove" from between your "teeth".  :)

Futility + Necessity = Stupidity

See that great big oak tree at the upper right side of this photo?  That tree is over a hundred years old.  It sits on the very edge of the property at our school.  It has been there longer than any other building standing nearby.

The city has determined the street needs to be widened.  So by the end of January, that beautiful shade tree will be destroyed.  A century of history in its creation, gone because a two-lane road is no longer adequate, according to the planning commission.

Sucks.

(This view from outside my classroom building.  It was 27 degrees and raining like mad, or else I would have gone outside to take the shot.)

I'll be at Blog Talk Radio Today! Come By and Say "Hi!"

I'll be at Blog Talk Radio today,

talking about my newest releases with Red Rose Publishing. 

Come by and say, "Hi!"

It's from 2-3 pm est/ 1-2 pm central.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/redroseauthors

Women In Space - These are just Wrong! LOL!

If you like these, check out the link here for more hilarious takes on having women in space!

Ever Have One of Those Days?

Who in their right mind...

...would make an Adolf Hitler teapot?

On the other hand, who would buy it?  And why?

You Knew At Some Point I'd Have To Include One.

Gives a whole new meaning to the term Can I Help You With That?

Is There Such a Thing as a Negative Calorie?

Or would this be better described as "anything for a buck"?

What Would You Have Done?

I went to the post office yesterday.  Had to use the inside live clerk because I was mailing a pkg. overseas.  Anyway, there were two people already waiting in line.  There was also a guy putting stuff in a priority rate box over at a self-serve table, and a woman sticking stamps on what looked like a hundred envelopes (I'm thinking graduation announcements.)

I got in line, making me #3.  Almost immediately four other people got in behind me.  That's when guy with the box comes over and starts to shove in front of me.  I must have gasped in shock.  I know I gave him a dirty look.  He gave me a dirty look back and said, "I was here first."

What would you have done?  Let him cut?  Or told him to get to the back of the line because there are no "holds" in real life?

Another Sign That's Self-Explanatory

An Effective Security System

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,

'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,

'Jesus is watching you.'

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

' Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler, Jesus.'
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For those of you who like horror...

My next book now has a cover and a release date!

Check out my horror blog!

I Wonder Who Approved Its Patent?

What Would You Call These?

My Gradually Shifting Allegiance

I watch very little TV.  After teaching all day, nights and weekends (and holidays) are my time to write.  Which means that when it comes to being a couch potato, approximately 3 hrs. per week is my limit. 

Sometimes I'll become a fan of a particular show, but then something will happen (character change, focus change - who knows) and I'll drop out of love with it.  Which is why I no longer watch CSI.  I used to "live" for Vegas until Gil Grissom left.  The show jumped the shark for me at that point.  I used to watch Miami, but I quickly tired of watching Horatio putting his hands on his hips.  And I just never caught on to New York (CBS, you made a MAJOR mistake when you chose NY over New Orleans.  Just think of the fantastic stories you could have had, not to mention the financial help you would have brought to that part of the country, after Katrina!)

Now, my Only Other Show I Diligently Watched is slowly going the way of becoming uninteresting.  In short, my allegiance is shifting from Ghost Hunters to Ghost Adventures.

When GH started up, I was quickly swallowed up by its unique scheme.  Shows like the St. Augustine lighthouse and the lighthouse (sorry, I forgot the name) where the chair in the attic moved on camera won me over big time.  But it seems more and more each episode consists of "Did you hear that?" and "What could have caused it?", and nothing more.  Very little spook and too much emptyness, IMHO.  That includes practically nothing caught on camera, and maybe, if we're lucky, one or two EVPs.

GH International went the same route.  Lots of promise, with the added cool factor of being shot in some gorgeous worldwide locations.  Until place after place yielded nothing startling.  And I flatly refused to watch Ghost Hunter Academy.  Sorry.  Its promo sounded too much like a reality game show, and I'm not a fan of the format.

Ghost Adventures, on the other hand, started out small.  Three guys, two cameras, period.  They even "brag" in their opening monologue that they have "no big camera crew following them around".  But their reactions are much more dramatic, which makes for more entertaining TV.  Plus they tend to find at least a half-dozen EVPs per episode.  (Tell me, what would raise the hairs on your head?  "Put your hand right here.  Do you feel a cold spot?"  Or "Ohmygod!  Swear to God, dude!  I felt something go through me!")

My favorite holiday is Halloween, and every year I wait on pins and needles for the Ghost Hunters yearly live investigation.  The trip to Ft. Delaware on Pea Patch Island will forever haunt me after seeing Grant's jacket actually move as it's being tugged on by an invisible hand. On Live TV!  But this last year I felt cheated.  No live event.  Just "best of" reruns.

However, Ghost Adventures took up the slack and did their own live 7-hr. event on All Hallow's Eve Eve at an abandoned mental institute.  It gave me my "live feed" fix, and I think it was from that night that I grew less interested in GH and set my VCR for GA.

Yes, I often hear the argument that GA is ripping off GH.  Well, in a way, yes, they are.  But once you watch both shows, you can see how different they really are.  Another thing that's different is that GA will go to locations where GH has already been, and they'll record stuff where GH found squat. 

I've wondered at times how much is "real" and how much is contrived.  But at this point I don't care.  Of course, there's no reason why a person can't be fans of both shows.  But there's no denying Zak is veeeery easy on the eyes.

Jason!  Grant!  Bring back your live Halloween special!  Please!

3 Pictures Are Worth More Than a Thousand Words

Plus They Wouldn't Even Let Her Use a Ruler!

NEW YORK - Idaho resident Kathy Evans brought humiliation to her friends and family Tuesday when she set a new standard for stupidity with her appearance on the popular TV show, 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.'


It seems that Evans, a 32-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on the first question, and proceeded to make what fans of the show are dubbing 'the absolute worst use of lifelines ever.'

After being introduced to the show's host Meredith Vieira, Evans assured her that she was ready to play, whereupon she was posed with an extremely easy $100 question. The question was: 'Which of the following is the largest?'

A) A Peanut

B) An Elephant

C) The Moon

D) Hey, who you calling large?

Immediately Mrs. Evans was struck with an all consuming panic as she realized that this was a question to which she did not readily know the answer.

'Hmm, oh boy, that's a toughie,' said Evans, as Vieira did her level best to hide her disbelief and disgust. 'I mean, I'm sure I've heard of some of these things before, but I have no idea how large they would be.'

Evans made the decision to use the first of her three lifelines, the 50/50. Answers A and D were removed, leaving her to decide which was bigger, an elephant or the moon. However, faced with an incredibly easy question, Evans still remained unsure.

'Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!' exclaimed Evans.. 'Darn. I think I better phone a friend.'

Using the second of her two lifelines on the first question, Mrs. Evans asked to be connected with her friend Betsy, who is an office assistant.

'Hi Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I'm on TV!' said Evans, wasting the first seven seconds of her call. 'Ok, I got an important question. Which of the following is the largest? B, an elephant, or C, the moon. 15 seconds hun.'

Betsy quickly replied that the answer was C, the moon. Evans proceeded to argue with her friend for the remaining ten seconds.

'Come on Betsy, are you sure?' said Evans. 'How sure are you? Duh, that can't be it.'

To everyone's astonishment, Evans declined to take her friend's advice and pick 'The Moon.'

'I just don't know if I can trust Betsy. She's not all that bright. So I think I'd like to ask the audience,' said Evans.

Asked to vote on the correct answer, the audience returned 98% in favor of answer C, 'The Moon.' Having used up all her lifelines, Evans then made the dumbest choice of her life.

'Wow, seems like everybody is against what I'm thinking,' said Evans. 'But you know, sometimes you just got to go with your gut. So, let's see. For which is larger, an elephant or the moon, I'm going to have to go with B, an elephant. Final answer.'

Evans sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one waiting with bated breath, and was told that she was wrong, and that the answer was in fact, C, 'The Moon.'

Reading the Warning Label Might Help

A very worried mother called 911 and asked the dispatcher if she needed to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher told her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine. The mother says, "I just gave him some ant killer..."

Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency room!

Do You Think It's Because of the Color?

That'll Buff Right Out

I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in 'Twister.' I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

Wonder What She Does With Whiteout

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift.  One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of printer paper. What do I do?'

'Just use copier machine paper,' the secretary told her.

With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.

In Kingsville, the Funeral Home is Across the Street From the Retirement Village

At Least Her Window Wasn't Rolled Down

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. ' Do you need some help?' I asked.

She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'

'Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.

'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk.'

Every Workplace Has One

A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'

How Do You Suppose He's Going To Explain THAT One?

6 of One, Half-dozen of Another

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.

'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.

'You don't?' I replied.

'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.

'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'

'That's right.'

So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

Please Vote!

Hi, Everyone! The polls are open over at Preditors and Editors. I have two stories listed in the Romance novels (MY STRENGTH, MY POWER, MY LOVE and LORD OF THUNDER), but you can only vote for one.

I'm also listed under Authors, and my pseudo Gail Smith has her horror short EENIE MEENIE up for honors!

In addition, my cover for 36 EXPOSURES is listed under Best Cover for Print or E-book.

So if you would please, go vote!  But hurry! Polling closes on Jan. 14th.

Thanks! :D

Deliberate or Accidental?

Happy 2010! My Theme for January, (Or for the year, actually)...