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Now Available as an Audiobook! DAMAGED, Three Cursed Stories by Linda Mooney Writing as Gail Smith

Now Available as an Audiobook!

DAMAGED
Three Cursed Stories
Paranormal Horror
by Linda Mooney writing as Gail Smith
Word Count:  13.3K

Narrated by
Linda Mooney
Length: 1 hr, 19 min
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$5.99 p / $6.95 a

Stories Included are:

CANCELLATION - A young woman discovers there's a penalty for having excessive non-payments to her credit card company.

THE DEVIL'S BREW - Vicky thinks her sister is unintentionally summoning the dark forces. Susan thinks Vicky's beliefs are sheer nonsense.

One of them is wrong.

THE DRAIN - It was meant to be a long weekend, semi-vacation at their favorite tourist trap, New York City.

You've heard the old wives' tales of alligators in the sewers? What the Duchins discovered was much, much worse.

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Some Wonderfully Awful Puns

1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs?

Yes, we arson.

 

2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.

 

3. Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.

 

4. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter?

Swarm.

 

5. If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.

 

6. Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

 

7. A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.

 

8. I lost my job as a stage designer.

I left without making a scene.

 

9. Never buy flowers from a monk.

Only you can prevent florist friars.

 

10. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?

A buccaneer.

 

11. I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by.

I kneaded the dough.

12. My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’.

It’s a cover band.

13. I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.

14. Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c?

Because you can’t see in the dark.

15. Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock?

Well, time will tell.

16. When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.

17. Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”

18. Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.

19. Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.

20. I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.

21. I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts.

I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.

22. What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar?

There, their, they’re.

23. I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarzenegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”

24. What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision?

Suture self. 

25. I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.

It’s all about raisin awareness.

By Savannah @sm.yairlevyauthor on Instagram

 

Now Available in Print! LHORA, a Sensuous Sci-Fi Romance

Now Available in Print!

LHORA
Sensuous Sci-Fi Romance
Word Count: 67.7K
$3.99 e / $9.99 p

The Coltrosstians and the Beinights have been enemies for as long as anyone can remember, but now they have a common enemy aiming for them both—the Tra’Mell. When approached by the Coltrosstian Sarpi to join forces against this new foe, the Beinights aren’t sure who to trust. They need the help, but at what cost? Furthermore, the Coltrosstians seem to have some secrets they’re not willing to share.

Lhora is part of the guard for Esstika Kai, leader of the Beinights, and she has her own secrets to hide, like her torgart powers she’d inherited from her father, and the fact she’s due to take over as Esstika when her mother is no longer able.

She never foresaw being captured and used as a bargaining chip, much less have an unexpected ally come to her rescue. Lhora soon learns that maybe the Coltrosstians have more in common with her kind than just being enemies, but can the rest of their people be convinced of that? One thing is certain—this new enemy must be stopped now.

It’s time for the Tra’Mell to face the music. And when joining forces, Lhora discovers that love can conquer all.

Warning! Contains airships with sails, shurr swords, pointy ears, dungeons that use one key, treason and high treachery, blatant lies, and two people who should be enemies discovering a love that will forge a whole new future for both their people.

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Undersea Delights

 

Free! Additional Scene from SLASH, a Contemporary Paranormal Romance

This month, I'm offering up a FREE additional scene from SLASH, a Contemporary Paranormal Romance!

The time has come when Michael tells Sonia they can no longer be law enforcement partners. Dogs don’t have long lifespans, which means they’re going to have to come up with some sort of solution.

Fortunately, the answer is a lot closer than she expects.

Beautiful Carved and Inlaid Guitar Headstocks

 

Six on Sunday - LHORA, a Sensuous Sci-Fi Romance

Six paragraphs from LHORA, a sensuous sci-fi romance.

1.  As the entourage drew nearer, Lhora studied the group. There were five of them, all males. Four obviously seasoned veterans and one younger. One of the older four, the one in the lead, had that attitude that was easily recognizable. The other three she could make an educated guess as to who they were. But the younger one? Was he a trainee? A scribe? Or someone expected to serve the others? She found it ironic that she might be expected to second-guess each man’s reason for attending, the same way she and her mother planned to treat them.

2. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “But I’m betting he wasn’t expecting the Tra’Mell to overtake and board him. He readied his armament, but he only used it as…as what? A bluff? A deterrent? Who knows?” She threw an arm out in the direction of the bay doors. “You’re still under your shields, right? That’s why the Tra’Mell haven’t noticed you yet. You know they’re listening in on your communications. They know no help is coming. They’re counting on you backing off. But if you go in and blast those two ketches, that’ll give the Sarpi the chance to ignite those cannons! He can blast that destroyer into space fragments! Then all that’s left is for you and your men to board the Cleeda and take down the remaining Tra’Mell.” She gasped for breath and waited for the Vadris to make his decision. He continued to waver, leading her to press one more time. “Your element of surprise is shrinking with every heartbeat.”

3. Sov snorted in amusement, but behind him she saw Duren’s hooded expression. She tried to read him, but his father’s mix of emotions were blaring into her head like fire alarms, preventing her from receiving him. Resigned for the moment, she obediently allowed the Coltrosstian to manhandle her until they reached the brig, where he shoved her into a cell adjacent to the Vadris’s.

4. Duren saw his scowl reflected in the glass. He couldn’t explain why he was starting to think this, but a nagging thought had begun to bury itself into his brain. The thought that his father had no intention of letting his son and rightful heir assume the title of Sarpi. That maybe Sov was priming someone else to take over the leadership of Coltross. Someone who would continue to rule over the land with the same unforgiving iron fist because the Sarpi knew his son would not.

5. “I can’t,” Lhora responded. “That’s basically all I heard. That the Sarpi had made some kind of agreement with the Tra’Mell, but he didn’t elaborate on it. But I can tell you this.” She turned around in her seat. “I was in the audience chamber when the Esstika met with the Sarpi, the Sarpen, and several of his Vadrises. Sov made it clear he was there to discuss the Tra’Mell’s foray into our southern regions. He insinuated that he and the Esstika should join forces in order to expel them from the planet, but nothing further was said. They had dinner, and afterwards supposedly chose to retire for the night back on their ship. I finished my shift and went to the kitchen to eat. When I was done, I was heading back to my barracks when I encountered the Sarpen. He told me he’d chosen to take up the Esstika’s invitation to spend the night in the guest wing.” She dropped her gaze, shaking her head. “The next thing I remember is waking up on the Sarpi’s ship, and they were on their way back to Coltross. I was told I was their leverage, but I didn’t know what that meant at the time.”

6. Lhora hastened to reassure him. “No. We don’t control emotions. Forget what you’ve been told, or what the Coltrosstians believe, those stories aren’t true. We read emotions. We sense them. We listen to your heart, to the blood pumping through your veins, and we study the play of your muscles in your face. We observe your eyes, for through them we can almost see what’s on your mind. And we hear your voice. Every inflection, the tone, the volume. We can’t control how you feel, but we know if what’s spoken is the truth or a lie. We perceive misdirection and misinformation, as well as when a partial truth is spoken because some of it has been omitted.” She shook her head. “I’ve known how you felt about me ever since you came to the dungeon. I know you haven’t lied to me since you approached me in the Sarpi’s brig. Do you blame me for not telling you the truth about me, when I was afraid it would change the way you feel about me?”

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Now Available as an Audiobook! ROBBERY ON THE HIGH SEAS, Noir Fairy Tales, Book 4

 

Now Available as an Audiobook!

ROBBERY ON THE HIGH SEAS
Noir Fairy Tales, Book 4
(Based on "The Little Mermaid")
Paranormal, Fantasy Romance
Word Count: 36.7K
$2.99 e / $9.99 p / $14.95 a

Narrated by
Doug Greene
Length: 3 hrs, 49 min
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Special Agent Rob Ariello has been assigned to go undercover on a cruise to Ireland for a month to protect the duke and duchess of Edelweiss. A thief has been targeting the richest of the rich, and this couple could make them more than wealthy. Rob's job is to make sure that doesn’t happen.

Naia Meer is a civilian tagged to help with the mission because of her “special abilities”, but what are they? She’s posing as Rob’s wife, but even he doesn’t know. All he knows is she’s a static, and he finds himself being drawn to the redheaded beauty as time passes. He knows he shouldn’t mix business with pleasure, but he almost can’t help himself.

He soon learns that someone on the ship knows who they both are, and they want them dead. Who can Rob and Naia trust? The couple’s job is to stop the jewel thief, but can they protect each other in the meantime? When the truth about their real natures surface, can they look past their prejudices and follow their hearts?

Warning! Contains secret missions; corned beef on rye (with a big fat juicy pickle slice); damn mushrooms; sharks, sharks, and more sharks; and two people thrown together who discover they should be enemies, but can't deny the growing attraction between them.

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Signs, Signs, Everywhere a Sign